My 'Midlife' Crisis at 23

Throughout the years I would have said that I have become wiser, more understanding of how life works and what I am suppose to do in it. That is not the opinion that I have today. As an adult you are suppose to go to school or learn some sort of skill, get a job, find someone to marry, and move into your own place. You then are going to impact your family, your church, or your community in some way. This is what I expected, but that has not been my reality.
I never thought I would ask what happens when God completely takes all of that away?  When you have prayed and done everything you thought was right and still nothing seems to be going in the right direction. As a Christian, what am I suppose to do? I tried to follow what was set before me, follow where God was leading in my life, and then again... and again...and again, the doors just seemed to close.

I easily have found my way into discouragement through many different situations. It is so easy to focus on the fact that I don't have the amazing success stories of my friends, I would constantly compare my life with those around me. Wishing for their 'easier' path. I mean look at me, I am 23 years old and I haven't completed the 'Christian' checklist that I thought should have been checked off the list by now.

 Yes, I had reasons why things didn't work, and yes, I had given my best in every situation, but I know when I was a little girl, I didn't imagine being 23 years old and being in the situation that I find myself in today.  Throughout these situation I would give them to God, I would surrender to whatever He was doing in my life, but that didn't make the discouragement or the frustration go away.

Life still was going on, daily lives where being lived and I feel like my world is crumbling. Then I had a thought. Something that probably should have been so simple, something that is so easy to grasp but I had never bothered to grasp it. Do I know God? The obviously answer is yes, I know Him! I believe in Him and what He has done. The thought made me hesitate for a second and really ponder the question. Do I know God? Then another thought came "Do I want to know God? 

Then as tears poured down my face I realized something, something that I had not gotten in my entire life. Life isn't about finding a career, getting married, or impacting the world, life is about using every moment to know God. Simply put, the way I live my life shows whether or not I know God, and whether or not I want to know Him?

 “The way I choose to live my life indicates whether or not I know God and whether or not I want to know Him.”

My world instantly turned upside down as my thought process began to change. I realized asking the question "Why did God allow this to happen?", wasn't the correct response. My question should be what is God showing me right now about Himself.

I have come to realize that as a Christian living in the age we all like to tag as the age of the 'Millennials', that we are to busy. We have our phones, our schools picked out, our lives planned, and yet why does that even matter when we don't have a relationship with the one who has planned our path in the first place!

God has a plan for my life and  everything is for a purpose. God wants me to know who He is, not just about Him. I am slowly understanding that if my focus is on the fact that today I get to know God in a way that I didn't know Him yesterday, then no matter what circumstance, no matter what 'failure' or success I have had during that day, I can use that to know my Savior. I need to stop being so busy with my life and remember who my life really belongs to and that my purpose is to know and glorify Him.
The real question isn't whether or not I am passing the test of life. It is whether or not I want to know my God and will allow Him to use ever circumstance to bring me closer to Him.